Time flies when you're having fun....

Man....I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my last post. I certainly never intended to be gone so long.

Joe and I have been working through some issues since he's been back from the war. He is in school full time, going to therapy twice a week, going to group therapy once a week, and there is still baby mama drama. All. The. Time. It seems every time we get a weekend alone, she calls with some crisis and off he goes. I swear she does it on purpose. I mean, I absolutely believe his child should come first in his life. I have no qualms about saying that. And meaning it. But the latest drama is "separation anxiety". Yep, for some reason, every weekend that Joe is with me, his kid gets separation anxiety and won't stop crying until Daddy comes to see her.

Oh well.

Anyway, on to the other stuff. I think it's hard to have a D/s relationship when your time is limited and sporadic. I mean, I talk to Joe on the phone every day. I see him several times a week. But with my work schedule, his school/therapy schedule, it seems difficult. Though I think that we are definitely moving in the right direction.

I have found out that Joe REALLY likes spanking. I never would have guessed that he was into spanking...but he is. A lot. I swear, I think he looks for things to get annoyed with, or pretends to get annoyed with, just so he can pull me over his lap and whack my ass. The first time he did that it was so fast, I didn't have time to object(what?!?!?) or anticipate what was going to happen. Even sitting here typing this, I am laughing when I think of my first words to him..."is that all you got?" What the hell was I thinking? Oh man, it clearly wasn't all he had. And he gave me just a taste of what he could do. I will say that I think twice now before opening my mouth.

In May, we were supposed to go camping for a weekend. I found this great place that had Tree House Cabins! I couldn't wait! Until I ended up in the hospital that weekend with a MRSA infection that needed four days of IV antibiotics. I was so pissed when the ER doctor told me that he was admitting me for the weekend. I told him no, I was going camping. He told me, No you're not. I was so bummed. But Joe came and stayed with me. He slept at my house and spent the days in the hospital with me.

Last month, he decided that I was to call him Daddy. Now I know that there are lots of Daddy/Daughter, Daddy/little girl scenes/lifestyles out there...but never thought that he would be into that. And I don't think he is really. after a few weeks, and a few spankings because I couldn't seem to remember that I had to address him that way, I finally just said to him: This is hard for me, it's awkward, like playing a role....why do want me to call you Daddy? His answer? It turns him on. The funny thing is...I have no problem whatsoever calling him Daddy in bed...just everywhere else. Sigh....I'm getting better, but it's still awkward for me.

For the last few weeks, he has been obsessed with doing ecstasy with me. You have to understand how odd this is. He doesn't drink, or do drugs. He will have a non-alcoholic beer every once in a while, but that's it. I think, the idea of a total escape appeals to him because of all the war shit in his head. He talks about his unit buddies coming back and having drinking and drug problems. He's the only one who doesn't, it seems. I know that back in his club days he would roll, but he hasn't done it in many many years.

Well, Thursday night it happened. Can I just say....

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

Limits? Hard limits you say? What are those? It appears that when riding the E train...I have no limits. But in a good way. If you've never taken this trip, I would highly recommend it. I was nervous at first, since I haven't done anything like that since college...and honestly, there were so many drugs back then I couldn't tell you if I had tried it before or not. I can say I think I would have remembered a trip like that!

It started slow....we sat on the couch, watching t.v. just hanging out. Then, we started to roll. We couldn't get close enough to each other. We would finish each other's sentences, laugh like crazy, touch each other every where. Every touch, would make me moan. Every kiss would make me dripping wet. I remember saying to him that I wanted to remember the feeling of absolute freedom to be as sensual as I could be. He wanted me to remember that too. We were biting and nipping each other on the couch. And every time we tried to get up off the couch to go to the bedroom, we would get distracted by each other. Again and again and again. When we finally found our way to the bedroom, we got naked in a hurry! I couldn't wait to touch his skin all over his body. He kept telling me over and over again he couldn't believe how much he loved me. He told me it hurts sometimes he loves me so much. Oops..almost forgot....before we really started to roll, I was thinking about hard limits and one that I had been thinking about for a few days prior to this was slapping. He told me once that in past D/s relationships, he had been known to slap while having sex. I had real issues with that for personal reasons and he knew that was a hard limit for me. But as much as I trust him, I wanted him to try it. I had been thinking that for days and as we were sitting on the couch, I was thinking about saying something to him about it. Before I could say anything, he turned to me and said, "can I ask you about one of your hard limits?" And I said, "Slapping?" He stopped, looked at me and said, "How did you know?" And my only response was...I don't think it's a hard limit tonight. We both laughed because once again, we were on the same wave length.

I can honestly say I don't think it will be an issue ever again. It was so surreal. And I'm sure that rolling on E had everything to do with it. He did things to me that I was sure I would never allow. And I loved every fucking minute of it. I don't even remember him slipping the LARGE buttplug into my ass, but remember sliding it out so he could fuck me in the ass. I swear the neighbors two streets over could hear us. But I sure as hell didn't care.

We rolled for about twelve hours....all night and into the morning. Fucking and sucking, hugging and loving. We couldn't get enough of each other. And it was truly an amazing event. One that I can't wait to repeat.

I had read things on the web about what it was like to roll. How deep and meaningful life would seem....how spiritual it could be.....and what I read didn't even come close to the experience he and I shared.

I'm so glad I had that experience with Him. I don't think I'm creative enough or at least coherent enough tonight to put into words exactly how much fun we truly had. We connected on more levels than I thought possible. And if I doubted my submissiveness to him before this weekend. I don't anymore.

He is everything I want. And I truly believe that I am everything he wants as well.

Sigh....

I am very content. And VERY much in love.