Sunday, November 15, 2009

no title

I'm writing this down so that I will remember what he did to me. And so that maybe one day, this story will save someone else from making the mistakes I made.

These posts will be just stories that others have told me...some will be my own memories. Some day, I will put them in chronological order. I suspect that writing this will be cathartic, but will take forever to write down. I can only think of Joe for short periods of time before I feel overwhelmed and sad and angry. I want to get everything down. I don't want to forget any of the stories any of the other women have told me personally. I want to remember for them. They weren't strong enough to stand up to him, but I am. Maybe I can be strong enough to tell their stories as well. If he doesn't kill me before then. I didn't thiink that he would be abusive. I was wrong about that. I do believe that he is a true sociopath. And knowing that, I am in danger. I don't know when, or how, but I believe that he will come after me. And I will be ready. And I will win.

I first spoke to Katherine on November 5th. I had found her number in Joe's old cell phone and called. I was so nervous as the phone rang...would she believe me? Would she rat me out to Joe? Whose side would she be on?? When she answered I told her who I was and that I suspected she was Joe's girlfriend. "Welllllllllll....." was what she said. I stopped her and told her that I would tell her my story first and if she felt like sharing then I would listen to her story. I told her about the assault, the fact that I had been Joe's girlfriend for over a year and that I wasn't the only one. I told her about the car, the computer, the drugs, the men. She told me that she had first met Joe when she was thirteen years old. He was sixteen at the time and they met in drug rehab. She told me that they had been together for years and that she had been his submissive, that he had trained her from day one to be submissive. This bothered me. How could anyone do that to a 13 year old? She told me that she had kept in contact with him off and on over the years and that for the past year he had been calling her regularly telling her that he missed her, still loved her and wanted to come back to Atlanta to be with her. She alluded to the fact that he manipulated her into VERY sexual conversations over the phone. I took this to mean phone sex. I will clarify this with her some day. She told me she had no idea that any of that was occuring. She stated that Joe had told her that he hadn't dated anyone in a long time. She stated that she knew about Zoe, but that Joe never told her that he married Donna or was still married to him. I think she was shocked by everything I told her, but I think she believed me.

The next time I talked to Katherine was on November 12th. We talked for 98 minutes. I called her because I felt bad that I had dropped this bomb in her lap and then hung up like it was nothing. I wanted to make sure she was ok. But I also wanted to know if she had spoken to Joe. Katherine told me that she hadn't spoken to Joe but had called him and texted him and told him that she never ever wanted to hear from him again. I warned her that he would probably call and ask her what had happened to make her change her mind. I know he will call and ask her if I called her. I think he is finally figuring out how good I am at what I do. We talked a lot about their history together. I asked her lots of questions...she is the only realy link I have to his past. He lies so much about everything, it was nice to finally hear some truth about his past. I think she was relieved to finally have someone to tell. She told me that they often went to the mall and walked around. It wasn't until years later that he admitted to her that he was dealing drugs at the mall. His comment to her was "what did you think we were doing?" She said that he controlled everything she did. When I told her the story about his fantasy of having me snort a line of coke off the head of his cock she laughed. She said he needed some new material and that he would tell her the same thing. She said he dealt coke. And that the first time she did coke with him was in the bathroom at a gas station. She said they did a lot of ecstacy together. I asked her if he was ever abusive to her and she said that they "wrestled" around a lot and that she would be covered with bruises and bitemarks. When he moved to Florida, once she quit her job and moved down to be with him. He was living with Nancy, in Nancy's mother's house. She said the pool was just a big hole in the back yard. She said that he and Nancy shared a room and that she was left to sleep on the couch while they would go to bed and she could hear them giggling and laughing together in bed. She said once she went to visit him when he was living in West Palm Beach? and that he promised her that he would take care of her and buy her clothes and things. They went to a party one night. She was in the back seat of the car and they picked up this girl. Katherine's feelings were hurt because he drove holding this girl's hand. They went shopping before the party and he bought this other girl all sorts of clothes and things. She said he ignored her the whole night and then he and this girl went to sleep in this bedroom at the party and she slept by herself in the kid's bedroom, crying herself to sleep. He treated her as property, never seeing her for whom she really was. This part of Katherine's story made me so sad....