I think a lot about my submission. Joe says that he's always known I am submissive, but I didn't know....how did he?

I think about how much I love him, how we believe we are each other's soulmate. I don't know that I would be submissive for anyone else. This is my first relationship involving this dynamic. Even before, when Joe and I were together before, we had a vanilla relationship. And we've talked about that. We previously met at a time where he had ended a D/s relationship(very dramatically and badly) and he wanted just a "normal" relationship. But he said that his time in the war taught him that he didn't want to live a lie or live by anyone else's rules. He said he would never hide who he was for anyone ever again. So the choices were, live the lifestyle with him, or be without him.

So....did I embrace this dynamic for him or for me? I'm not sure. And does it really matter? I don't know.

He has been in the "lifestyle" for almost 20 years, me? Less than a year. He is so patient with me, taking things slowly, giving me a taste, a sample, of what he wants from me. I know that we get frustrated with each other sometimes....he gets frustrated because I ask a thousand questions about everything. I need to understand in my mind why I'm doing what he wants. I haven't quite grasped the whole concept of "just because". I DO know I want to make him happy, and for the most part, he makes me very happy. I mean, we still struggle like any couple, with trying to figure out the minutiae of our relationship. His PTSD and TBI interferes sometimes and I struggle to be understanding. I think that's normal. I do know that I make more concessions with him than I ever have with anyone else.

I know this post is rambling and jumping all over the place....my mind today is just jumbled, and for that I apologize.

I think about my submission and can only come to the conclusion that I am submissive just for him. I can't imagine being submissive to anyone else. I guess maybe because I want to spend the rest of my life with him and only him.

Sigh....Happy Saturday, folks.